What is courage?
Two men in the prime of their lives face insurmountable odds. Which is harder physical or emotional obstacles?
Most thirty-year-old males are busy building their career, starting a family and visualizing a bright future. Rounding as a hospital chaplain, I visited two men confronting overwhelming difficulties during their hospitalization. They stood out to me because of their similar age and because I saw them in the same week. Let me invite you into the stories of these brave men.
The first man I visited lay horizontally on his back. Mr. Ramirez appeared drained yet alert, but his lively brown eyes greeted me with friendliness. In an enthusiastic tone, he introduced himself by first name as Tony and let me know he was glad to see me. I noticed an accent, and he informed me that English was his second language. Even though he expressed self-consciousness about his English, I understood him perfectly. Mr. Ramirez adjusted himself in bed with his arm and ran his hand through his neat straight dark hair, as he disclosed to me his new diagnosis of Gillian Barre Syndrome. The disease caused his legs to become weaker. He could not walk unassisted. The recovery plan, he told me, included intense physical therapy over an extended time.
A new serious diagnosis
“Because of COVID, I cannot have visitors, and besides, my family is over two hours away from here. But they call or text often.”
“My daugher texts me a few times a day.” His face perked up as he told me about his preteen daughter reaching out to him. He seemed to adore her and was proud of her.
“I can fight this disease, I have faith and am a Christian.” Tony said with confidence. “I overcame other things in my life.”
I can fight this disease
He began to reveal to me about other events in his life. In a serious and traumatic truck accident, he broke both legs and survived being in a coma for a week.
“It was scary but after a long recuperation I got better. I still have a few minor back problems.”
He went on, “Another time I was attacked by dogs. It took a long time to get better from the trauma.”
What was the likelihood of someone going through two tragedies and now getting a rare disease at his young age?
Tony’s determination would not let Gillian Barre hold him back; his will, his resilience and his faith would overcome this disease.
He needed little encouragement from me. I prayed with him and gave him a devotional in Spanish. When I left, I felt hopeful he would regain movement in his legs. I provided companionship since family could not come and I offered him a chance to review his story. Tony Ramirez inspired me.
Determination
The next day, I visited another man, his mid-30s, as well. I will call him Mr. McIntyre, a freckle-faced red-haired man sat at the side of his bed wearing shorts and a t-shirt, not the typical hospital attire. His casual attire did not reflect how tense he appeared to me. His room showed held no signs of visitors nor did his bedside table contain any cards; his room seemed empty and void.
Mr. McIntyre expressed appreciation I came to see him. I learned he committed himself to detoxification. However, he had not yet finished the withdrawal process because he noticeably shook. We connected right away; he was candid about why he was in the hospital. His glasses did not hide the melancholy and weariness in his olive green eyes.
Sadness in his face
“I am so glad to meet you, Mr. McIntyre,” I said, while standing close to the foot of his bed. “Tell me how you are doing?”
“Not good, I am really anxious and waiting for my medicine,” he said, fixing his eyes on me while holding his trembling hands. Did this intelligent man work at a successful job now or at one time?
“I am sorry to hear that. Feeling anxious can be a tough place to be. I can’t image how hard this must be.”
“Yes, it is. “Drank too much, too often. The drinking has affected my health and my family,” he said with defeat.
Impressed with his honesty and what sounded like a confession, I acknowledged his words with a nod. I could hear regret and remorse in his voice. He shared how he lost his relationship with his wife and young child. According to him, his wife distanced herself from him because of his self-destructive behavior.
Regret and remorse
“Wow, I am so sorry that you are separated from you family. This is really rough. This is an enormous step to come into the hospital for detox.”
“I don’t want to lose my family and I want to be a good dad”
I wondered, what was causing all his pain that led him to drink? “You say that you are anxious. I wonder if drinking was a way to deal with the anxiety.”
“Yea, I self-medicated with alcohol.” I sensed his heaviness.
I explored a bit more about what gave him anxiety. Not being a psychologist with a Twelve-step guide, I could not give him counsel, but I could encourage him to get medical and emotional help. A psychiatrist evaluated him yesterday and a move planned to an impatient facility after the detox.
“I am proud of you for coming to the hospital. Going to an impatient facility will help to give you tools to cope when you get anxious. This is another step in getting well. What you are doing takes lots of courage. I admire your courage.”
Courage to face the giant of addiction
I paused and then asked, “Tell me what kind of support you have.”
He said he had no family support but he did have a few friends and job colleagues to give him encouragement.
“The folks in rehab (inpatient psychiatric facility) will be there to help you get well. It takes hard work and multiple support systems. As you know, you cannot do this on your own strength or ability. Medical help is important, but also support like AA support groups.”
Mr. McIntyre did not hide his eyes from me in shame, but looked at me and nodded. He cried and expressed a deep desire to change.
“Have you considered asking God to be part of your support team?” I let this question sit with him.
“Can I pray with you?” He agreed to prayer. After I prayed with him, I gave him literature to help him focus on spiritual help.
My role as a chaplain completed, I left, knowing I had affirmed him with providing a listening ear. The rest was up to him and the medical team. I pondered what would happen to him and wanted him to beat this addiction. This visit tugged at my heart because I have close family members with mental health issues. It is tough it is to get well-a monumental feat!
Monumental feat
I reflected on the two thirty-something men. Both had an uphill challenge much like an ant walking up hill with a heavy load of food or climbing a mountain. Both men needed medical intervention and both were broken, one physical and the other emotionally. One had family, friends, determination, and good mental health. The other had a strong desire to get well and to get his family back. God met each man in his particular brokenness.
Nelson Mandala once said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
I prayed for each as I left their rooms. Later that night, I again prayed for their recovery.
