Sacred Prayer during COVID -19

“You provide an essential service!” I was informed of this in writing.

Then I heard my boss say to me.   “Chaplains are needed in the hospital during this time of COVID -19 Virus.” 

This was March, 2020, the year that COVID-19 came to the United States and infected our community.

I am a chaplain in a hospital and it is the practice for chaplains go from individual room to individual room to visit with patients, giving them comfort, encouragement, and prayer. Serving as a chaplain for a number of years became familiar and routine.  One grows in skill and becomes confident in their job.  That was me. I was comfortable doing ministry in the hospital setting.  Now, how could I go into hospital rooms to be with patients possibly having a contagious and serious disease? Even the thought of going into the hospital gripped me with fear!

 I wondered, “What are other chaplains doing?  What options might I have?”  I researched and viewed webinars online to find out what colleagues in other areas of the country were doing.  Many hospital chaplains were phoning from their offices and not entering patients’ rooms, while others were doing virtual visits from their own homes instead of seeing patients in person.

However, I found out from my director that it was not an option for me work from home.

I already wrestle with anxiety. Actually, I have an anxiety disorder. Now, my anxiety was ramped up.

What If?  There were so many unknowns.

What if I get infected? 

What if I go to ICU and end up on a ventilator?   

To be fair, my boss said for me to do only what I felt comfortable doing as far as visiting patients.

Nevertheless, because of my pride, I did not want to admit that I was terrified to be in a hospital with this virus, let alone terrified to see patients who could possibly have COVID-19. I did not want my colleagues to know of my fright. I felt like dark clouds were rolling in on me.

Later, I got to thinking about my family. I am the only parent of my two adult sons with disabilities.  They struggled a great when their father died a number of years ago.  Plus, between their health concerns and disabilities they are fragile.

 What if I die?

They would be more than devastated. What would happen to them? 

The most difficult day for me occurred when all the hospital staff were required to wear masks during work and coming into and leaving work. Temperature checks were implemented.  COVID-19 was real and close that day. I thought, “I don’t want to be here.  I want to be safe in my own home.” I sat at my desk getting ready for the schedule for the day and realized that I was shaky and I could not think clearly.

I shared that I was anxious with my boss, being vulnerable with him.  He prayed for me that morning.  From that time on, fear did not control me when I came and went from the hospital. I was not anxious in the same way that I had been previously.  I had courage to face the storm of COVID-19, a courage not from my resources but from God’s inexhaustible resources. This peace was definitely a God thing because Charleen could not be calm in her own ability.  I was able to see patients in their rooms, talk with them and pray with them.  This was grace.  I could tell that God’s grace was carrying me because I sensed a new strength.  God had a specific plan for me to be in the hospital for others who needed spiritual support.

Of course, I used all of the precautions, and one of the precautions was not to enter a room of a patient who had COVID-19.  I wore a mask and kept six feet apart when I visited with non-COVID patients. The most amazing part for me was that once I set my own concerns aside, I was able to be present and minister no only to patients but also to, staff. The staff were alarmed for themselves and frightened that they would take the virus home to their families.

For the first few weeks, I prayed in the different units on each floor of the hospital.  I prayed with the nurses, doctors and the directors.  I read Scripture to them of God’s care and love, such as Psalms 23 and 91.  I reassured them that God promised to always be with them.  We prayed together for God’s peace.  I was a calm presence because of God’s peace working in me.

Our staff were the first responders, taking care of patients with this extremely dangerous virus.  I was thankful that I could be there for them. They sacrificed of themselves to be with those who were sick.

During my rounding, I would engage the various hospital personnel to check in with them about themselves and their families.  Many had children now learning remotely from home.  Many had spouses at home dealing with all the stress of having a spouse in healthcare, children to supervise and working from home themselves.

Unexpectedly, I sensed that God was giving me courage and fortitude in order to be there for others, especially the healthcare workers.  Those times of prayer with the staff were sacred times for me and for them.  A serenity permeated the prayers.  I realized that providing care for caregivers at this time of the virus outweighed my ability.  It was God’s grace in me.

God’s grace is a whole lot bigger than I realized!