Fear gripped her, she could not breathe. What was going on? Her throat hurt dreadfully with something large in it. Where was she? Trying to make sense of where she was, she asked herself what was going on. Was she alive? Something made a beeping noise Beep, beep, beep …
That was five days ago.
As a chaplain in the hospital, I visit patients with a variety of health problems -ranging from patients who just had a C-section for a complicated birth to patients with acute illness to patients with chronic illness to patients in the last stages of life. I see a diverse population of both patients and family members. Their needs, dreams, hopes, heartaches, pain, joys or strengths are unknown to me before I meet them. Each individual is unique, and no two visits are alike, nor are any two people alike. I am continually in prayer for God to be with me as I see patients. My desire is to let people know that they are not alone, and to listen to them
Situated and stooped in a chair in the corner of the room, a gray haired woman in her early seventies, smiled cheerfully. Ms Smith, her face pale and her frame slight, greeted me. In spite of her weakness, she readily engaged in conversation. Pleasantly surprised, she wanted to visit with me; I invited her to share.
Ms Smith told me that five days ago, she gradually woke up from sedation while on a ventilator in Intensive Care. She endured a horrific experience of gasping for air before the ventilator was used. The trauma and shock of being at the edge of death created a permanent impression on her. She related how she did not know if she would pull through the time in ICU. Now that she was better and out of ICU, she had transferred to a regular patient room where I met her. Because of her improved condition, she was able to sit up.
No one appreciates breathing until you cannot breathe.
This should not have happened, but it did, Ms Smith voiced to me. I attentively listened to this gracious woman as she unfolded her story. Before this hospital stay, she had moved in with her sister and was supporting her sister through cancer recovery. She was the strong one. Now, Ms Smith turned out to be the severely sick one who needed a caregiver. She said that no one appreciates breathing until one cannot breathe. Jolted by this thought, she emotionally processed out loud all that had occurred with her illness, trying to make sense of this suffering and this nightmare. The experience was formative for her. She explained where she saw God in all that occurred and shared her awareness that God was faithful.
The sensation of gasping for breath, gave her the feeling of being extremely indebted and thankful to God for being alive and able to breathe. Through her illness she became more keenly aware of the good things in her life – of the things for which she could be grateful. Ms Smith saw life differently now and appreciated what she had with an attitude of gratitude.
An attitude of gratitude
Subsequently, Ms Smith started speaking about what was next for her. Her next step after leaving the hospital was to go to a rehabilitation center to get her endurance back, with the plan to gain strength and eventually be able to go home to live with her sister.
I wondered, “How could this person be optimistic when she almost died and is now was facing an arduous recovery to gain strength, to walk, and hopefully to become independent again?” Impressed and amazed, I thought. “How could she be so positive?”
“I am going to begin a grateful journal. I am going to write down things that I am thankful to God for,” Ms Smith boldly announced.
Now, I understood that her gratitude ignited hope in her; that is why she was so positive about the future.
“Wow! What a great idea to start a gratitude journal”, I responded.
Gratitude ignited hope
Hospital rooms are sacred places where God is close. Life changing events occur in the hospital setting all the time. But people-changing events happen in the hospital, too. Both happened to Ms Smith.
Ms Smith chatted more with me about the caring people in her life and her encouraging community. I learned that Ms Smith hailed from a rural town with close ties to family, friends and fellow church members.
I asked if I could pray with her, to which she readily said “yes.” After I prayed with this endearing lady, I left the room, but my thoughts did not completely leave. I was pleased that Ms. Smith was determined to get better, pleased that she had supportive people in her life and pleased that she had strong faith to get her through this, but I was even more pleased that she made an emotional and spiritual decision to be grateful by creating her grateful journal.
I was humbled by her thankful heart. She allowed me to journey with her for a segment of her life – from her stay in ICU to the move to a regular hospital room, and then to a rehabilitation facility.
Gratitude Journal
The thought – grateful journal moved from my mind to my heart like an airplane landing. I pondered the concept of a journal to write down things for which one is grateful. Seeing God’s grace in Ms Smith, opened my eyes to a new way to look at life. This was a God moment for me; I was given an unexpected gift from my visit with her. I gained more than I gave.
The chaplain side of me researched gratitude and it amazed me to find a wealth of information on the neuroscience of gratitude. In an article entitled The Neuroscience of Gratitude and How it Affects Anxiety and Grief, it states that gratitude leads to less stress, impacting both mental well-being and physical well-being along with improving sleep.
From that visit with Ms Smith until now, I start my day purposely writing down things for which I am grateful. There are days that I start with the first entry, “I am glad for a good night’s sleep.” Other thoughts come to mind and I continue to list my thanksgivings for what I have in physical things, but mostly for what I have that is not measured by material possessions. Rather, I list large and small victories, gifts of treasured relationships, growth in me and in others, sweet times with loved ones and friends, and the beauty in nature.
I gained more than I gave.
I am writing this in the mist of the COVID-19 pandemic. Gratitude is one of the attitudes that is getting me through this uncharted storm. I am more aware of what matters.
Since I started my own grateful journal, it seems that I kept coming across pieces about gratefulness and the value of it. In her book Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head, says we can make the choice to be grateful and how intentional grateful thoughts can change out thinking. .
Gratefulness can be a choice
Intentional gratitude is taking the time to be consciously be aware of the good things in our lives and less centered on the scarcity of what we do not have. However, not only the good things but also all things. In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 it says, “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Gratitude isn’t only a celebration when good things happen. Gratitude is a declaration that GOD IS GOOD no matter what happens. – Ann Voskamp
I am learning that being grateful in everything takes mental focus and practice. Because sometimes when I wake up, I am tired and discouraged about all that needs to be done. I do not have a positive attitude about the day but as I start my list of “gratefuls”, I gain a new view of the day. Gratitude transforms my attitude.
Gratitude changes me and that is sacred.
Not only did Ms Smith receive a gift through her hospital stay but I also received a gift the day I visited her.
